mission failed

there are many things i failed to do this year; take over the world, become a famous movie star, make a million dollars by making an internet social company, be the next UFC champion. those were none of my goals but like i said, there were many things i failed to do. but the most noticeable, according to my parents, is finding a wife. i plan to fail them again next year since i seriously doubt that a year is long enough for courtship and this is if i start on day 1. God can work miracles, they need to pray that He does.

just bought a fast lens today. 50mm 1.8f. will this make me post photos? i have a 75-300mm and another prime lens in my inventory. what do you think? yeah, sorry.

K-Pop standards

i've noticed that as long as korean female singers are good looking, they can lack singing ability. hotter they are the more they can lip sync, if you know what i mean. for the korean singing dudes, they generally sing better than the females. it's also hard to tell if the singer is male or female. so what am i saying? meh.

drunk yellow docs and k-music

since i'm token yellow guy in our squadron, i get invited to VIP parties that involve other yellow people. they think i can speak the language and entertain the VIPs. the koreans invited the leadership to a Christmas party last night. i was invited to be the interpreter for a table with a slew of korean docs. the conversation was pretty shallow; they asked names and specialty. that was about it. the koreans were more interested in the crazy amount of wine and soju on the table. after the boozin' they started getting annoying. and just like all the VIP parties i've been to, it was very boring. and just like the stereotypical korean males, they went out to go drink more soju. they literally tried to drag me along. maybe it was rude to keep refusing but my idea of fun is not hanging out with old drunk docs. maybe i would have gone out if they were more my age. and definitely if they were my friends. i find it much more fun to have friends that are not associated with medicine. i dont like talking about work; i find other things more interesting... like korean pop music...

and i know you've been waiting for a very long time for my top five k-pop artists. i dont like calling it k-pop anymore because there are k-hip-hop, k-rap, etc. anywho, here are my favorite korean musicians in no particular order:
1. 성아 - 18 year old phenom, love her voice
2. 임정희 - more hip hop although she sings ballads too. her song with Big Boi is neat-o
3. Tim - smooth american-korean singer. i especially like his english Christian songs
4. 메이비 - blends jazz and pop into happy, easy to listen music
5. 박효신 - sings the sappiest songs ever but probably the best voice in korea (i agree with cuz finally)

Sorry, Wonder Girls or Girls' Generation did not make my list :P
you should install asian languages on your computer if you cant read the list.

ugly americans

i found myself acting like an ugly american last week. i'm not going to share the details of it but i did it unknowingly. i still have a lot to learn about this crazy culture. when i return to the states, i will be a "fob" as the hip kids say.

when i'm out with a bunch of american friends, they cant help but to be ugly americans. they dont bother asking the token asian guy with them if it's proper to act that way. do i stop them? no, i tend to do the opposite and egg them on. then i pretend i dont know them and scoff at the ugly americans along with "my people." i'm much smarter now with the people i roll with. my posse consists of people that actually want to know the culture and be a part of it; people who want to escape the americans and immerse themselves with our gracious host country.

my mom, the translator

my mom has translated korean into english for several random people. it's quite amazing and really funny since her english stinks. but good enough to help out poor american that dont speak korean and korean that dont speak english. every time she turns into a translator she tells me and we have a good laugh about it. so what if i laugh at my mom? who better to make fun of? she's my mom, she has to love me and forgive me NO MATTER WHAT.

what time is it???

peanut butter snowboard
peanut butter snowboard
peanut butter snowboard with a baseball bat

this morning was the first snowfall of the winter. so i took out my snowboard and made sure it was good to go. as pimpbot 5000 says, "polish my bolts and tighten my nuts."

today was a great day. people from waaay back decided to toss this old dog a bone. and they dont know each other; five different individuals decided it was time to contact me all in one day. it was great to hear from them, even if it was just a few words.

odd things that make you swear

ever do something that make you want to swear? i'm assuming everyone would say yes to this. but ever do something so good that also make you want to swear? i do all the time. i know i dont swear dude, i said "make you WANT to swear." i do it in my nugget which is just as bad. i cant help it. but people think i'm a nice guy cause i dont swear outside my noggin. right now, i'm eating a mango so good that makes me want to swear. poop, this is good. i wish you guys could have some of this ish.

lack of rants

i apologize for the lack of rants and blogs. it's been pretty good here. i dont have much to complain about. i know, i dont have to complain all the time but it's fun to rant. i gotta vent somewhere where there are no readers. oooh, i just zinged myself. also, i have uploaded some photos on the online photo album for those who are paid subscribers.

so paris hilton paris hilton paris hilton is in korea. i wrote her name three times in hopes to have google tag me when perves search for ugly girls. wait. do i want those people finding my blog in their google searches? do i need more than three readers? i have no idea why she's here. koreans dont like her music or her movies. is she releasing fashion crap? i hope it's not leau de toilet. didn't she find Jesus? didn't she get more into the Bible and stuff? for a guy that does not like paris hilton paris hilton paris hilton, i know more about her than i want.

i'm not ashamed to publicly blog that i do like some korean pop. i can only listen to the radio in my "car stereo" so i keep myself updated on k-pop on my drive to/from work. and i know all three of you readers want to know my top five musicians. i'll let you know when i have five; i only have two.

war is fun

during our 1 week war i consumed 3 MREs, 9 rolls of kimbop, 2 bowls of chili, many cookies, candy, and many random things... even fake cipro. it's maybe 10 hours of sitting around talking to teammates and 2 hours of playing war. i dont understand why everyone dont join the military. but seriously, this new team i am on is sooo much easier than the last one i was on back in Misawa. i want to stay on this team forever. why do people hate exercise exercise exercise?

physical

the mother of a girl i'm being set up with wants to see my most recent physical. double you tee eff? this is not a good sign. and no, not because i'm unhealthy. she's as superficial as me!

nice is all i got

i'm often within an earshot away when my mom is talking on the phone. 80% of her conversation is about setting me up with one of her many korean girls. my mom said something funny today. she was talking to one of her gradeschool friends trying to set me up with her "pretty" (i use quotes because i cant trust my mom's superficial scale) daughter. she said this about me.

"if you take his niceness away, you got nothing"

it doesn't make me laugh anymore. because it's actually kinda sad because i'm not nice at all. inside this thin shell of niceness, lies a great evil.

my own mom thinks i'm below average ):

one more Ardaya

yes folks. for those lucky and blessed people to know Ivy & Dave, they now have a little one to mold into any type of human they want. i will keep praying that they choose wisely (:

congratulations dudes. God bless!

our janitor lady aka ajima

so we have this janitor lady that cleans our section of the building. all the americans call her ajima because apparently they're too good to learn her name. i, on the other hand, am not too good for anyone. the girls find this hard to believe. i call her by her name, mrs ___ or ___ shi. she likes me and she likes to talk to me. i'm the only one in the area that can speak her language so you shouldnt think she likes me that much. the funny thing (and a bit annoying) is that she asks me questions that she knows the answers to. such as...
- i just changed into my workout uniform and she asks, "are you going to work out?"
- i have my keys and hat in my hand walking out the door, "are you leaving?"
- i just got back to the office with lunch in my hand, "are you having lunch now?"
- i'm super good looking with a chiseled physique, "are you a babe magnet?"
- i'm walking back to the exam room with a patient, "is that your patient?"
- i'm sitting at my computer typing an email, "are you working?"
- i'm washing my hands in the sink, "are your hands clean?"
i'm always very polite when i answer her, sometimes with a smile. but recently, i've been chuckling when i answer. i can now predict what she's going to ask me when she sees me. so i've been trying to do odd things so she'll ask me odd questions. i've had my Hoff mask on as she walked by, she laughed and asked me nothing. i turned off the lights, turned on my Christmas tree lights, and stared at it; she laughed and said nothing. i was beat-boxing to Alvin and the Chipmunk's "all i wants a hula hoop" and she smiled after a confused look and asked nothing. i know what you're thinking. i do have friends. and true friends dont judge me from a blog. and true friends dont read my blogs. actually no one reads my blogs. i'm so lonely ):

that sad face is the revolutionary emoticon from wolverine

sock puppet and japanese dude

my parent's friends insist on talking to me through my parents even when i'm right in front of them. i don't need a translator. i answer back in their native language so i dont have to conversate back at them through my parents. i find it very odd and a bit rude that they dont look at me or talk to me directly. what if i my parents are not here and they want to talk to me? who doesnt want to bask in the majestic glory of me? am i to bring a picture of my mom so they can talk to it? how about a sock puppet with an afro on it? that's what my mom looks like; pale woman with an afro. before you get all "dude, that's mean" on me, let me add that i'll get a clean sock and not a smelly-dirty one.

i was in seoul yesterday hanging out at one of the university districts. by the way, we've been having great fall weather. a japanese guy walks up to me and starts to talk to me in english. his english was very good. even though i'm yellow, i still stick out in a crowd. my baseball cap, tshirt, shorts, and flip flops. the tall white guy next to me is a big hint too. what the japanese guy wanted was some help with the language. he wanted to order flowers for the korean girlfriend he loves. little did he know it was a stretch for me to order it, but he had no idea. neither did his japanese friend that spoke less korean. the guy was a great guy (i dont even know what flowers were and that i should be buying them for the ladies) but i let my country down. i aided in the love relationship of a japanese man and a korean woman. they'll probably get married just because of my radicalness. that's one less potential wife for me in this country too. what if she was the one? what have i done!

expensive cow

my aunt from dad's side took us out to a famous restaurant. they say it's one of the oldest restaurants in the country. it dates back prior to japanese occupation, as i was told. they're famous for their bulgogi and nangmeun. so my auntie bought us both. it was probably the best $80 plate of beef i've ever had. and yes you can say it's the only $80 plate of beef i had which also qualifies for worst, ugliest, sexiest, death-defying, gayest, and any crazy adjective you want to throw out... in? seriously, it was good. unfortunately the $80 didn't come with an endless flow of cow, rather a very small amount. the cold noodles was very authentic. i guess i am not a big fan of the authentic flavor. guess i'm too white to enjoy it. you can also say my mother is too white then. then you'll be messing with my mom, and boy them be fightin' words.

Happy New Year!

happy fiscal new year everyone!

dont make me predict your death

21 SEP 2007. i predicted a win by the Wolverines over nittany lions. so what if it wasnt a hard prediction? i dont even see you trying to tell the future. for all you dont know, i could be the greatest fortune teller the world has ever not known. this post is really for our good friend, hairy. sorry hairy, maybe the 10th time you'll finally get a win. GO BLUE!

shout out to ucl

do you ever feel that you're unattractive when people try to set you up with a person that you dont find attractive at all? it is saying, "hey, you're not attractive. he's another unattractive person so you can make unattractive babies. have an unattractive life!"

"Bob Saget!" that was for ucl.

japanese martians in korea

went to gyeongju and suwon, the old historical districts of the ROK. so what if old and historical is repetitive. when you get your own blog you can literally repeat this post without the repetition. in the meantime, stop flappin' yo' internet gums. gyeongju apparently was the capital of the old motherland for like a billion years before the japanese people from mars came with their advanced technology superior ray guns (i put another repetitive statement in for the grammar police) and took over the country. i swear that's what the tour guide said. dude, you weren't there. you cant even speak korean. ok smarty pants, you cant understand korean either. the 3 day tour was all paid by my new favorite motor and industrial company, hyundai. i make fun of white people who mispronounce the word and i never correct them because i want to continue the laughter. i wasn't serious about the new favorite part. but they sure treated us great. they arranged limo buses and fed us like kings. they weren't actual limousine buses but it was very spacious. and i was fed like a king (no, i'm not an actual king even though i carry myself regally) because the dumb americans i was with never ate their food. all they did is complain about why they don't get served hamburger or pizza... "why does it have to be korean food all the time?!" unappreciative, narrow minded, numb nuts. first of all, it's just called food cause we're in korea. second, the food is expensive and delicious. last, get out of the restaurant so i can eat without your side order of whining and eat all the food you dont. we also got a tour of the hyundai motor factory, shipyard, and industrial area. mighty impressive. they have the largest shipyard in the entire universe. show me a larger shipyard in M109, what what (that was supposed to be an astronomy joke)? and again the americans started whining. "why the $%#& are we walking in this factory?" "i'm never going to buy a hyundai, why are they bringing us here?" anyone that shells out thousands of dollars for a free vacation, you should expect some sort of propaganda. more importantly, as most of the young americans missed the main point, just in 30 years this company has become a world power and world name. this could have not be possible without the american govt and military forces that drove out our crazy brothers and sisters. why'd we go into vietnam, iraq, afghanistan, eastern europe, WWI, WWII? nuggets up africa, you're next! to me, the answer is very simple... world peace. everyone wants it, everyone has a different way of obtaining it. my way you ask? declare me king of the universe and build me an military of a trillion invincible robots that transform from underwater, under-terrain, air, dancing, and space vehicle. if it's invincible why cant i have just one you ask? dude, i didnt say it had instant teleporting technology built in. you're so dumb! that technology will strictly be reserved for my kingly concubine ladies, oh yeah. *good grief*

come and knock on our door...

... we've been waiting for you. c'mon you konw the words. so my parents are in the house. and as expected, when i left for work, they "cleaned" the apt. now i cant find my things and they mixed up my clothes to throw away from my regular clothes. time to lay down the law. this is my house not theirs. i'll do the cleaning, they should just kick back and relax.

i predict a Wolverine upset over pennst. Go Blue!

songs on the radio

in my daily drive to work i usually listen to the local radio station. it's usually your typical korean pop and ballad songs. they sometimes play american "artists" that are pretty well known. this this past friday, they played "because i got high" by afroman. and they played the dirty version which i never heard before. generally they dont play radio edit american songs. it gets pretty interesting walking around shopping centers.

oban challenger

had some jeremiah weed yesterday, just a swig from the bottle as it was passed around. maybe it was the combo of the pizza i was having but it was fantastic. i still love oban but the sweetness of the 'weed' was different from any hard alcohol i've tasted. yeah yeah, i know i'm such a poser with all this flight stuff, but i like jeremiah weed as a hard alcohol fan. but at the same time, i doubt i would have tasted 'weed' without being a poser. i'm not much of a bourbon fan but this has a very interesting and great taste.

less filling!

...

this is why we are here

i've been what?

apparently i've been tagged. internet tagged. blog tagged. i dont get it. if there are more than 2 rules to a internet game, i quit. too many rules = yoohoo confused. i guess the game ends here. muah ha ha. chumps.

luciano pavarotti

one of the greatest singers in history with possible links to the mafia has passed away. i care because i am a big fan of his singing.

funny hip-hop lines and amadon

there's nothing to watch on tv except korean hip-hop and pop concerts. i dont know why but one of the lines in a song made me laugh, "get your party on like it's friday" and i'm still smirking while i write this. when i really think about it, it's not that bad of a one liner especially if you compare it to the entire song "o.p.p." by naughty by nature or any 2 live crew 'songs.'

does anyone notice that i have no idea how to use commas in sentences? i really dont know how or when to use them. i just place them where i think they belong. i completed the entire course of Amadon when i was in 4th grade but i still dont know how to use most punctuation correctly. i guess i should have never cheated and do the tests by using the answer key. but what other option did i have when the teacher completely trusted me and i hated grammar? dont judge me, you would have done the same ya chumps. i bet you were one of those dumb kids that did highlight magazine puzzles all day.

by the way, anyone remember amadon? if you went to public schools in california back in the 80's you would know... unless i'm completely wrong with the name of the stupid course. one conclusion you can make from this blog is that aint no rapper take no amadon in their life, yo.

stubborn old man

i think i've been a very stubborn old man for a while now. no, not generally speaking. i've been fighting off purchasing a dSLR in favor of my 35mm SLR. i just like film better. but looks like my old stubborn ways are slowly breaking down. mostly because i'm too lazy to develop the film and it's expensive. i have 6 or 7 rolls of film from who knows when. and the cost of entry level dSLR is getting cheaper. cheap enough for me to start looking seriously at purchasing one. i'm sure i'll find another reason to be lazy if i do purchase one.

a mosquito feasted on my face last night. i counted eight bites/sting/marks on my nugget. one on my eyelid that swelled up. i will find that mosquito and i will eat it.

desperate?

i have a very hard working squadron commander secretary. she works hard to find me a wife even when i havent asked her. i guess it's just a thing she does for fellow blood because she does not do it for other single people in our squadron. the first lady she found did not want to leave her family behind so she was dropped by my agent pretty quickly. wow, i guess girls are really thinking about hooking up with me for the long haul, for reals yo. the current "favorite" is fine with leaving her family behind only because she's currently doing that. she's some oboe player in a foreign symphony and comes from a handsome doctor father and beautiful doctor mother, and they're really wealthy. these are not my words or my opinion. she'll be in country this month and i guess i'm supposed to meet her. "hi, my name is rich, we have a couple months to decide if you want to marry me." so odd, how am i supposed to act? am i supposed to be like a stand up comic and be "on" the entire time? or am i to be a laid back boring schmuck like the real me and decide to get married like 10 years after dating? God help me. Seriously, this is a prayer request. Everyone, ask God to help me. am i really supposed to re-prioritize my life goals to find a wife here? all i want to do is meet my family, play with friends, and travel. happy labor day weekend everychumps!

'top gun' vs 'airplane'

i was thinking about good aviation movies today. it didnt last long because there arent too many of them and even less of good ones. so my thoughts went to the best aviation movies ever... 'top gun' and 'airplane.' i've heard from many pilots that they wanted to be pilots (no, not naval aviators) ever since they saw the movie. when i saw that movie i had no desire to fly. but when i first saw the movie 'airplane' i had much desire to fly again. it just seemed fun even with fish poisoning and disco. i wonder if any pilots saw this movie as kids and said, "when i grow up, i'm going to be a pilot."

worst vacation ever

i actually had a lot of things planned to do this past week. it did not include being really sick for a week. totally ruined it. good news is that i'm finally feeling better minus the coughing. short post today because i'm gonna go back to healing.

i be illin

good song from run dmc.

not a great way to spend my week of vacation. i'm ill. i've got the summer cold. first time i can remember having a cold in the middle of summer. a summer that is consistently 90F and humid as the inside of a whale. i think of humidity when i think of jonah, dont you? oh excuse me bible police, big fish. i'm probably wrong on that too, arent i? it's one of those colds that is affecting one side of my face at a time. my left nostril is runny as well as my left eye is watery. then i bet it's going to switch over to my right side for 2 more days before i start feeling better. or maybe it's not a cold. maybe it's the first sign of neurological agent attack? special agent that affects one side of my face. bird flu? west niles? i'd hate to be stuck at home all week due to my illness. i need to get better and outta here.

no one that i know seem to know how to call to the states using a international cell phone card. if you have any information on how to do this, please let me know.

by the way, i was sorta forced to take vacation because i was about to lose some vacation days next month. and there's a visiting doc from a reserve unit that wanted to see patients. we didnt have room to have 3 of us there. turned out to be good timing. oh yeah, koolaid.

North Korea

so i traveled to north korea today. very cool trip because i got to learn the history of the DMZ and go places where civilians cant go. you can see photos from my journey on my photo album. due to security reasons i was only allowed to take photos in selected locations. things i saw: joint security area, third incursion tunnel, villages in the DMZ, 'propaganda city.' it was surreal. i haven't felt like this since i was on the great wall. i actually got to see a real north korean. and they watched us everywhere we went. the history of the DMZ is very fascinating. you can get a glimpse of it at wiki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_Demilitarized_Zone).

plugged in

to all those who care. i am now plugged into the internet. i have updated photos where i usually update photos. if you dont know where, you better ask. along with cable internet i have cable tv. tons of tv stations i barely understand. i vow, right now, that i will understand 90% of it by the time i get outta here. i have plenty of time to learn.

i also passed the dumb driver license test. this country is probably the worst place to have a driver's license test. apparently they do have law that govern the roads. unfortunately no one obeys them. so what's the point of having a test?

going to the DMZ tomorrow. pretty excited. i'll have more photos up soon.

congrats to drew for becoming a fiend. harumph?!

i not gone

psych! i bet you guys thought i left already. that's what we, in the military, call 'no timeline.' takes years of training to learn that technique.

i had a blast today working with yutes. volunteered to be the timekeeper (not gatekeeper, as in ghostbusters) at lane 9 of a swim meet. all you competitive swimmers know what this means. if you dont let me describe the typical swimmer that came over to our lane. our lane 9 swimmers came in different sizes, ages, and gender. but they had one thing generally in common. they would swim from lane marker rope thing to the wall and back and forth. sorta like the game 'bricks' when you shoot the ball at the edge and the ball bounces crazily all the way up. crazy, but it goes to where you want. and even if i had given the kids a 10 second handicap, they'd still come in last. oh yes. they were the slow kids and not so great of swimmers ("hey you, i know you, i know you"). i still had much respect for them because i couldnt do what they could. i'd probably need rescuing in the middle of the lane from one of the fine looking lifeguards. i'm kidding. they're not fine looking and they were dudes. but there were fine looking people on the pool deck. and before you go 'dateline' on me, i was talking about the legal age ones. anyway, my favorite swimmers were the 10 and younger kids. they were so cute, especially the 6 year old group. that was the youngest group. i had fun talking to the yutes before they took the block. i'd pump them up, tell them a joke, and give them old asian man words of wisdom. and i even had five kids dedicate their race to me (we had 80 total events, each with multiple heats). yes, to me. not the other lane 9 timer or their family or friends or Jesus. to me. why? because the kids love the Yoohoo... well, three of them knew me already but two were complete strangers. my feeble immature mind can penetrate the adolescent shield and intermingle like one of their own.

foolish me, no sunscreen. friggin hot today too. i definitely look like mr crabs except with fantastically distinct tan lines.

except for wolverine, who got my SNL reference in this blog? anyone? anyone?

tdy

i'm going on tdy. that's temporary duty yonder. yes yonder. some crazy english thing that the military didn't ban when they had the chance. i just found that out 2 weeks ago. i wont say where or when i'm going. OPSEC. but if i was really concerned about OPSEC should i really be having a blog?

zoolander moment

i just had explained to a patient about her condition. i told her all the who, what, when, where, why and how. and then she fires back the question, "how did i get this?" the scene from zoolander sprung in my head. the line "but why male models?" kept repeating in my head. and i could not stop laughing. she laughed with me although i think she had no idea why. it was one of those pity laughs or infectious laughs. i know i've done that before... laughing but have no idea why. except this time i was on the other side. i knew why i was laughing but didnt have the nerve to tell her. so i explained the whole who, what , when, where, why and how again with a grin and scattered laughs throughout. like i always said. there are no stupid questions. just stupid people that ask questions.

familiar faces

i am starting to see familiar faces now that i've been in the service a bit longer. it's actually a lot cooler than i thought. i actually try to go to bases where my friends are, like this one. i love making new friends and meeting new people but there's something great about having friends that you have history with. i do miss my school friends a whole bunch so these military friends are a real blessing. i've also met up with high schoolers i used to volunteer with in japan. and to see them and spend time with them has been awesome... especially to see them grow physically and most of all, spiritually.



what? not entertaining enough? i'm not a damn clown you know. i'm not here to amuse you. so what if i get all serious like? fine fine. here's my favorite korean-american joke:

"what did the bread say when it hit the wall?"

"bbang!"

ask a korean (that speaks korean) to explain the joke if you're not part of the greastest race in the universe.

80's offering

so i was in chruch today. and for those who dont go to church there is music usually played during offering. and the music they played today was very entertaining. it was 80's electronic music. it was a synthesizer and drums. i couldnt help but to laugh when they started playing it. it was also very interesting to look around the congregation to see who else was 'enjoying' it. the congregation is about 50% white and 50% korean. and i'm not talking each individual is half-n-half. which would be pretty cool too, but would make me an outsider. i was watching smirks spread among the white people in the crowd. the yellow people seemed unphased by the odd choice in offering music. i really enjoyed it though. it made me want to do the robot.

red thumb

being stuck in the dorm, i have the bare minimum. all i have right now is two bags of clothes i brought with me on the plane and some food i bought at the korean and american grocery store. and i totally forgot to buy plastic plates and utensils. not once but fourice. i really have no excuse. i wish i was training so hard for the beijing olympics that i forgot. alright, how many of you had a mental image of me playing ping-pong just now? figgin racists. anyway, i bought some kimchee and had nothing to eat it with exept my fingers. so now my fingers are stained red and smells of kimchee... mostly garlicy. good thing i'm in my dorm or people will think i'm picking my nose. because i love the smell of garlic and i am constanly smelling my fingers. you chumps have a good evening. i'm off to do some archery and then do some calculus in my head. did i mention i'm good at both of them?

correction: grocery stores in korea are not called korean grocery stores. they're just grocery stores.

huzzah!!!

i just got notice today that i will be able to move off the base and live among the locals. what a good day today turned out to be.

mental docs

have you ever hung out with psychiatrists or clinical psychologists? i have. and let me tell you, it's kinda odd. i was just chilling at the psychologist's house and there was a slew of us there. i was watching him interact with his toddler son. the guy had his son figured out. sure it was simple reverse psychology, but was it really? or does he have the force? i also watch him interact with other people. he never asks closed ended questions. it's incredible. so i jump in and try to make him ask me a closed ended question. they guy was amazing. an open ended question after another. it would have been more amazing if i hadn't told him that i was trying to make him ask me a closed ended question. you think i was stupid? before you judge my stupidness, let me tell you something. you know the reverse psychology thing he was using on his son? i was using it on him to make him ask me a closed ended question by telling him that i was going to try to make him try to ask me a closed ended question. little did i know my plan was flawed from the beginning. yes, your stupid meter should be maxed out right now.

now the psychiatrist. the dude is just a nice guy. if he wasn't a white guy, with brown hair, didnt speak english, shorter, smoked, wore a suit, and drank soju every night you would think the guy was a korean. sometimes i get the vibe that he may be in clinic mode when he looks at you with his body language saying, "dude, i'm totally listening to every word you're saying." it was the skater shirt that added the "dude" to his body language. but really i dont think he's in clinic mode. that's just the way he is. i guess it's just habit? crap. what if i have habits that i've created in clinic that is seeping out into my real world? please dont tell me that i'm making funny faces and rolling my eyes when people cant decide between two choices... go-bots or transformers. IT'S ALWAYS TRANSFORMERS! (to make that last joke make sense, you will have to had an exam with me).

things that young boys should never see

i recently told my greatest surgical story to my new work buddies. they also live in my dorm, or do i live in theirs? i find it to be a very good ice breaker since it's quite amusing and i'm the only target of jokes after the story. but this surgical story has been forgotten for over twenty years. it was traumatic at the time when i was going through it and i guess that's why i never really remembered. i guess i now know how those war veterans feel. i'm joking, sheesh. their trauma is much more serious than mine, especially since i can laugh and joke about it. i dont know what caused me to remember again because nothing really triggered it. it was about 2 years ago when i was on the bus going to tokyo with a bus full of high schoolers when, all of a sudden, i remembered it. what? wait. i didn't mean it that... they asked... i'm not sick! you're sick! no, YOUR face is sick! your momma is sick!

if you wanna know the story, just ask me when you see me. or you can ask dr drew. he's the most recent recipient of the story and you'll never find him! muah ha ha ha.

change-o command-o

so i had to block out time from patient care to practice for a change of command ceremony. this, my friends, is a very small part of why i like doing what i'm doing. i get paid to practice this. all my schooling, the loans, the misery i went through to have the privelege to see patients... they make me practice standing and saluting. and dudes, i am not being sarcastic as you are accustomed to. i'm serious. i love doing things that require no brain power and then get paid. sure, i'm on salary but you know what i mean. i didn't even volunteer. i was, as they say, voluntold to do this. i get to practice again tomorrow morning and then the real ceremony. and then lunch, then teeth cleaning. do you ever catch yourself feeling your teeth in the exact same spot the dentist probes with your tongue? i do, all the time. must be annoying. have you ever had bloody gauze stuck up your nose while your teeth was being examined? i thought it was weird but who i am to judge their four years of dental school, at least a year in residency, and years of experience? have you ever had dental water streamed (i wrote streamed, not sprayed or splattered) at your crotch while bloody gauze was stuck up your nose? did i mention that the bloody gauze was bloody from blood from my mouth and not my nose? yes, from my mouth, all bloody, then stuck, then rammed up my nose hole. i'm just glad that dentist was not my proctologist. and no, i dont go to a proctologist. i was just saying... what? whatever! good grief!

janitor

the janitor lady that works where i work offered to find me a nice lady for me. i must look lonely and desperate because i've only said hello to her, nothing more. another thing i've noticed is that when the janitors go to and from work, they are very well dressed. i'm not implying that they're wearing suits or cocktail dresses, but they wear much better clothes than i would expect a janitor to wear... an american janitor that is. so what if i'm stereotyping? everyone does it! i bet you would think i was great at ping-pong if you saw me. whatever! you dont know me!

real life video game

i have mentioned that driving here is like a video game. what i didnt mention is how much i enjoy it. i run red lights constantly, squeeze through tight alleys, honk my horn at peds, and drive on the wrong side of the road. the only thing i dont do is speed since that's the only thing they ticket for. you dont believe me, come visit. we will go for a drive :)

Jjimjilbahng...

... is a korean onsen. i wish i could compare the japanese onsen to the korean style one but i can not. never did go to the japanese one. it was a little odd to be naked in front of my new friends and many korean strangers but when everyone is undressed the same it makes it much easier to deal with. if you dont know what an onsen is, it's sorta like a public bathhouse, except much fancier. water massage, steam rooms, hot pools with wogwort, charcoal, or other alternative medicine stuff. the odder things were upstairs where they had rooms where you relax - this is where you are wearing clothes the facility gives you. there was the hot salt room. tons of rock salt covered the floor and you lie down on it. it was hot but you get used to it after couple minutes. and of course you sweat like crazy. then there was the warm pebble room. just like the salt room except you lie in pebbles. then the hot jade room. you see the pattern? except the jade retained the heat much more so it was a temperature that i couldnt get used to; they have linen for the sensitive girly types to sit on. it gets more odd. they have a 'fire' room. it's a room where it's just freakin hot. a room where if you stood up, the heat just roasts your face that you immediately duck. it was much hotter than being trapped in a car (windows rolled up) in the AZ summer. we were guessing 140-160F. we were sweating intensely after just a couple minutes. after torturing ourselves for 5-10 min, we hopped into the ice room. they kept that room somewhere between -2 to 2 C. it was actually very relaxing after a week of working real long hours. my favorite was the pebble room. it was warm and very comfortable sleeping on pebbles. the best was that it only cost me 7,000 won. and they also have sleeping areas there too. why would anyone stay at a hotel. family and friends that visit me will make a trip to one of the jjimjilbahngs. and to make things a bit more comfortable, i will not be in the public bath part with them. but we will hop around the odd rooms. i'm sure juggler will love it. oh, the bath house is no co-ed. when you're clothed, then it's co-ed.

still no phone

so i do have a cell phone now. so people can call me on the phone but i cant send out calls. but the guy i got the phone from used all the minutes. so i bought a phone card. but the phone is crumbling in my hands. so i didnt put the phone card account on the phone. so i have to buy a working phone. but i dont want to spend more money because phones are expensive here. but i think i'll be buying a phone from a new friend. so i'll use the phone card on that phone. but it's going to take another couple weeks to transfer accounts. so dont ask for my number yet. so, so, but, so, but, so, so, but, but, so, but, so.

i forgot

i forgot to add that at this "stong penis" drink place, they have all you can eat shashimi. and dont expect rice and fish rolled up in seaweed. it's just a big tray of cut fish and other side items. it was actually really good. i ate all the blue fin tuna my tummy can handle. swordfish was great. tuna belly too. and some part of tuna that also gives "strong penis." the chef motioned it and said it as he put it on our tray. all this for a price of 17,000 won. i ate at another sushi place and i ended up paying 25,000 won for less food. now, i must find the all you can eat beef place that only charges 8,500 won. what a great country.

"it's good for... how you say?"

had a drink that contained soju, fish eyes, gold flakes, and seamen. we forgot to ask where the seamen is from. then again, i'd like to know where the gold is from so i can pay off my school loans. so he pours out the drink in shot glasses. then he proceeds to explain what it's for.
"it's good for... how you say? verility?" we smile cause we know what he means.
he continues to go on to explain "uh for... strong penis" as he motions a uppercut fist pump.
the four korean guys sitting to the left turns to us, raise their glass of seamen and does the exact same thing except they yell "strong penis," uppercut fist pump and downs their shot. we look at each other and what else can we do but to do the same. "strong penis!"

lost in translation

i've been told several times that i am pretty. pretty? this is because i'm ravishingly handsome and they just don't know a better word to describe the rugged good looks? no. unfortunately that is not the case no matter how much i want it to be or how much money i pay my friends to say it. they tell me i'm pretty because i'm an american that speaks korean. not a word i'd use but complimented nonetheless.

best country in the world?

on the list of yoohoo's best country ever, korea has entered that competition. korea's mcdonald's has 300 won ice cream cones (that's roughly 30cents). i've stopped counting the number of cones i've eaten already. i think the cones balance out the negative things about this country like it's horrible aggressive drivers. the mass transit system is great, but not fantastic like japan's. and a ton better than america.

more korea

traffic signs are optional when you drive here. it reminds me of grand theft auto the way i have to drive here, minus all the killing, drug dealing, and the x-rated stuff. well, maybe just a little less x-rated stuff. the x-ratedness isn't as bad as japan.

Sobering feeling when i drive around base and see the anti-missile defense system. 3 minutes to defend myself if a missile is launched from the north. God bless the family members who came along and now are in harms way.

USA, this is the ROK

Yoohoo has arrived in the ROK. It's more modern and busier than I remember but that was quite a few years ago. Most people I am meeting are leaving so it does me no good to try to memorize their names. And when the new ones come, I'll be the old man on base. Very high turnover here at this base, but good to see old faces from my previous assignments... especially the Voodoo family.

I have yet to go to a restaurant. I say 'restaurant' because if I say Korean restaurant, it's redundant. After all, I am in the ROK. I've been to two Thai and one Japanese place. Only one place served kimchee, and it was good. Plenty of shopping outside the gates so I will be sending some things back home, hopefully soon. And soon really means within the year if you really know me.

Adjusting to a new place has been pretty easy, especially this country. I hope to learn a lot more of the language and travel a ton. And to all the guys who read this, consider this an open invitation to visit me any time you want. Just give me couple months prior notice.

TP in TX

I've done it yet again. I'm beginning to think I have a great sense of purchasing toilet paper for any length of time. I purchased a perfect amount of toilet paper in the beginning of my tour here in TX and never had to purchase more. I also purchased the perfect amount of toilet paper in the beginning of my tour in Japan. Both times, I did not have to go back to the store to buy any more for the entire time of my tours. This will be the last blog from America for quite some time. I hope to have more interesting things to blog than toilet paper, that's how exciting this state has been. God bless you all.

Pick Up Line

"Hey! I should know you."

"Movies"

So far the "summer movie" crop have been really super terrible. Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and Shrek 3 have been leading the pack of what's wrong with the movie industry. They know these crappy movies will make money because the general public are suckers. I doubt people read the reviews because these people forked over $200mil for each horrible movie. The formula of big money computer graphic action scenes without a good story is getting very tiresome. Where is the art of story telling, character development, and just good style of movie making? Call me an old fuddy duddy but it had to be written. I think I'll stick with comedies since they generally stick with the art of funny, character development, and do not try to sell the movie with big production money.

By the way, I did see these movies but did not pay. And I'm glad I didn't pay because I don't pay for poo.

SA Drivers

San Antonio has to have the worst drivers ever or I have the worst luck ever. Everyday I witness really poor driving. Bad lane changes, stopping in middle of highway merge, pulling out of driveway just when other cars are in front are just a few examples I see daily. I usually see at least two per day. I've seen three MVAs and luckily I haven't been involved in any of them. God is really protecting me down here. I'd be the first to say I am not the greatest driver but I know the general courtesies and safety of driving. I doubt that it's because there are more elderly people and I have not seen any stats on the correlation of obesity and poor driving skill. Or it could be that I'm getting closer to my goal of becoming the old, bitter man that complains about the world. But I am not old enough to be the "old man" yet. I can't use the excuse, "what?! i'm a crazy old man, I don't know any better." I hope I get to live long enough to achieve that goal.

Speaking of living a long life... I was discussing the end times with my friend. I kinda want to be alive to witness armageddon, see who the anti-Christ is and what s/he does, and the all out war. Is that wrong to think these thoughts?

Elbow

Anyone know why pilots cant point with their finger? If you watch one, they'll point with their elbow. Why? I've asked several and they didn't know. I'm going to assume it's some immature sex thing just like a lot of their other pilot quirks.

Joke from the Office

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night. And he gets crabs. So the next day he goes back to complain. And the woman says, “Hey, it was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?”

Recipe for Medicine Flavor Drink

2/3 unsweet tea
1/3 sprite

Bluetooh Headset

This is for all the playas rockin the bluetooth everywhere they roll. Goons like me will think you're not talking to me when you are and are when you aren't. Let me know if the blue rhythmic flashing light - obvious sign of wealth and success - catches the eye of a superficial lady that is easy on the eyes so that I can get two. If not, just take the dang thing off and use it when you need to.